Failure To Believe In Myself

さくらのペットな彼女 (The Pet Girl Of Sakurasou)

When a series teaches me a life lesson it changes the very fabric of my being. It is one thing to read a “inspirational” quote on the internet and another to follow characters on adventures go through similar situations you have experienced. The Pet Girl of Sakurasou taught me how to bounce back from failure. Well, the show taught me nothing about bouncing back, it was more an example of what failure looks like to certain people and how they deal with it. And it is difficult. To others, their perspective might not be so negative about failing; they see it as a learning experience not some crushing defeat. To them, combatting failure comes easy. There are ways to combat failure as well as other hindering traits and what I learned is it is all in the repetition.

I watched The Pet Girl of Sakurasou before university/college had ended and I admired every second of it. The beauty of standing tall after falling so hard brought me to tears. We have all felt those feelings, and I tried standing tall through the last two years, but I kept letting those feelings beat me.

The Pet Girl Of Sakurasou follows a young boy, Sorata, being transferred to the Sakurasou dormitory, a place where all the eccentric students are put. His only goal is to escape this place. At first it was the nosey, annoying people that made him want to leave, but he soon found out that everyone that lives there has passions. I am definitely not saying he wanted to leave the dormitory because his roommates had ambitions. He just lives with an expert computer programmer, writer and drawer/animator and when the topic of their genius comes up Sorota feels inadequate. He does not belong in the same house as them, he feels ordinary. However, he soon discovers his dream and works tirelessly to make it a reality, but he quickly finds rejection, heartbreak and failure. This happens a few times in the series, a few characters find themselves hitting their lowest points, and they get up and keep pushing forward.

 

That brings me to the topic at hand. Deep down, I feel the failure in not knowing what it is I am waiting for. I finished school two years ago and I am unsure where the time has gone. I have done some noteworthy things, but they are so stretched out over these last two years it almost feels like a waste. I hopped to and from a handful of jobs, moved across the world for a change of pace and the motivation still dares not show itself.

I recently toured Japan by myself, and in the month that I was there I had a revelation to change all that I was. To stop being such a docile, void, weak human and break out of the shell I saw myself getting comfortable in. When I returned home, nothing changed. The motivation was clearly there. My body shook with the surge of passion that was now running through me, but there was no reaction. I still sat in the corner of my room looking at articles and videos of things neither bettering nor hindering my motivation. I was, and still am, existing in indifference. A repetition of negative thinking and inaction will one day lead to those traits becoming part of everyday life.

To hit rock bottom and say to yourself you never want to feel this again is an epiphany moment. You recognize that strength within you. The urge to change is present. I kept feeling this emotion of hitting the bottom, over and over again. Ricocheting into eternity, where each hit becomes less painful. I was accustomed to it. No pain no gain is the saying, but the pain had subsided and I did not want to gain anything. I just wanted to exist in mediocrity and perpetual lethargy. No drive to make myself better. No drive to stop the dragging on the bottom. I was comfortable and that was the scariest thing.

That was not too long ago, but I have started pushing back. I have things I am looking forward to. Giving myself goals to accomplish. And the time between surges of motivation is shortening. One day I am going to wake up and feel 100% of that motivation to change this life. In every fibre of my soul, I am going to cherish that incredible feeling.

I wanted to write this as a reminder to those to surround themselves with people that inspire them to push back, as Sorata unintentionally did. Finishing University/College is not the end as everyone says it is. I have been out of school for two years, and I am finally going back to expand on my passions. If you are not happy, then find what it is that will raise your spirits. Just keep standing back up, keep fighting because one day your demons will experience failure and they won’t know how to stand back up.

 

 

-Venomspreader

11 thoughts on “Failure To Believe In Myself

  1. Very encouraging piece. I always tell people to do whatever you want. If it doesn’t work out then you move on. Figure out something new to occupy you or wait it out and see what happens.

    I always say that being patient is an important, if not most important, trait. Good things happen, bad things happen, and sometimes it’s unavoidable. But patients pays off, in my opinion. And when you wait and work and you finally achieve what it is you’ve be striving for its much more rewarding. Even if it isn’t the outcome you originally predicted. Plans change and you just need to take a breath and play it out.

    A lot of this stuff goes through my head a lot. A fear of the future. What’s going to happen? What’ll I be? Just gotta take it one day at a time.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I personally haven’t watched this anime yet, and I’m not very familiar with it. However, I still enjoyed your post especially since you wrote more about your own personal experiences. It’s inspiring what you wrote. Indeed, I agree that college/university is not the end of the road. I’m Filipino-Canadian and my Filipino background puts a great deal of pressure on us Filipino children to obtain a diploma because that paper is the proof of our success. I agree, however, since becoming a Canadian university student, I realize that it’s the skills and experiences that are important and how you apply what you learned from the institution into your own life. Good post. Keep it up and best of luck on your life journey. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A fellow Canadian! How about that! I am glad you know that getting a job out of school is not the end. Always be learn new things, that’s how people stay happy! I saw some people on twitter talking about their school being done and how finding a job was the end of their life. So I wanted to put this out there for anyone willing to push themselves. Thank you for your kind words, as always. And Happy Canada Day!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yay! Belated Happy Canada Day! Pleased to know that you’re a fellow Canadian. Indeed, there are still lots of things that we can do even when we’re done school and start working. Good post. Keep it up. Cheers!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. This post is so amazing. I’ve heard lots about this anime. I’ve never seen it, though. But I never thought about it like this.
    Failure is something that happens. You can’t deny that. And if an anime can portrayed getting up from that, then that’s a job well done. It has portrayed reality.
    I think this post has gotten me a bit pumped for my dreams. Even if they seem impossible. (Like studying abroad in Japan). But I want to do it now. Even if I fail

    Liked by 1 person

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