The Weird Journey Through Male Ego


謎の彼女X (Mysterious Girlfriend X)

The awkwardness I feel now, having brought up this show. Never thought I would get to this point in my anime career. In all honesty, my friends and I watched the people hovering in hentai sections of conventions and it grossed us out. It was something that I never really gave a chance and now I am going against that grain. I mean I’ve watched a lot of anime, certainly not as much as some, but a hefty amount for sure. In turn, my curiosity brought me to something different. I was enjoying the action, slice of life and psychological thrillers, but a time came to expand those horizons. This series, by far, was ‘out there’ for me. The sexually driven themes kept bringing me back after the first few episodes. I certainly was not expecting it to be the driving factor at the beginning. At least it was the only factor until I noticed how real it all felt. These two characters showing such a real innocence about them, it hit close to home. Two young kids trying their hardest to express the right feelings, as awkwardly as two young kids can. It is damned beautiful.

In this story Tsubaki and Urabe are our hero and heroine respectively. Having recently become a couple the two find themselves existing in their relationship’s awkwardness. Urabe wears the pants; she stays strong and stoic in front of Tsubaki, but takes refuge in her closest friend because she is not sure what it takes to be a girlfriend. Tsubaki just follows her orders and eventually builds up a lot of sexual tension within him, as boys do. His mind wanders frequently to the sexual side and keeps it all bottled up, as a young boy it is embarrassing talking about the things that pop up in your head.

The masterpiece that is episode eight! Tsubaki wakes up from a dream wherein Urabe gave him permission to touch her breasts and now he cannot get the sensation out of his head. As any adolescent boy would do, he contemplates that feeling to no end. He becomes lost in thought and takes a walk to clear his mind, but miraculously finds himself outside Urabe’s apartment. She invites him up for something to drink, as it would be rude not to. What was supposed to be a calming walk has now added to Tsubaki’s sexual frustration. He is in his girlfriend’s room for the first time and his mind is racing back to his wonderful dream. As they drink coffee it begins to rain as thunder and lightning soon follow. Urabe notices Tsubaki has been acting weird since she found him in front of her place and asks him what is on his mind. Tsubaki reveals the dream he had about fondling her and Urabe gives him permission to touch her breasts with his own hands. So, he does. He starts reveling in the sensation until all the pent up sexual frustration is released as he pins her to the floor. He has her pinned and he dives straight for the second most sought after part of a woman… her ear, of course. Tsubaki goes straight to licking her ear with no restraint and Urabe begins to cry. Without a second thought he asks if she is angry while profusely apologizing. She is not angry, but Tsubaki lets the shame sink in for a moment and reflects on what he just did before venturing into the torrential downpour without looking back.

I have never felt so human after watching anything in my life. I was ready for the mindless sexual overtones to carry me all the way through the series, but all I got were two high school kids going through the most believable relationship I have ever witnessed. The second time I watched through the series the sexual overtones almost disappeared. I saw the characters as kids from the beginning and not objects to fuel my incredibly odd desires.

That brings me to the topic of women. This gets brought up a lot as a man. Despite how all guys act the same around each other when discussing women, I know it is just a persona all guys learn to get comfortable with; that remarkably confident male bravado. Relishing in the re-telling of past exploits to gain an upper hand among the group. In reality there are men out there who act utterly different when faced with the same situations. Which should be obvious, but it comes to a point where you are not sure how friends react to situations involving women unless it happens when you are around.

I like to believe I have some friends pegged, but in truth I have no idea. All I know is they would never take me for the scared/timid type. But here we are. I’m not exactly sure where it came from; maybe it has to do with the fact that I learned at an early age to treat people how you want to be treated, as most people do. So it boils down to not liking it when someone jumps on me who I don’t find attractive. That has stayed with me since the time I could reflect on my own memories. Even if a woman has told me she finds me attractive and likes me, I still hesitate to make the first move. Is this out of fear that she could be lying? Maybe. Probably. I guess these could be considered major trust issues, or just stupidity. Looking back on my life this leads me to believe that every girl I ever got close to got fed up with my lack of courage and made the first move. Or that my mission in life is to create a balanced world of people who take matters into their own hands. I like the latter better, so I will stick with that. I will find the courage to ask myself what is really going in my head one day and when that happens I will let you know.

There are times when I wish I could be more up front with my friends and the people I am attracted to, as well as myself. To tell them who I really am, sit them down and tell them what great people they are. How I only have one life and I want to break this mould of men neglecting their feelings. I recently had a friend tell me that I was going to become something great. That I was going to break this slump and shatter this timid nature and seize the dreams I really want. The thing is I cannot do that, yet. Maybe I could turn it into a drinking game, really open up with the help of alcohol.

When you are young and in love you remember those shameful moments, we all make mistakes. Tsubaki may have let his deepest desires get in the way of what he should have done, but he walked away understanding that other people get hurt when you let loose those primal instincts and that’s a lesson he will not ever forget.



13 thoughts on “The Weird Journey Through Male Ego

  1. I have yet to see the anime for this series ( I did read the manga though) and I agree there is so much more to this series than “sex”. I was very surprised to see how natural (aside from the drool thing) the relationship between Urabe and Tsubaki was. This is a great series and I really enjoyed reading your commentary on it and the parallels you drew from it to your own life experiences!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I thank you for your kind words! I did my best to leave the drool thing out, some people might be put off by that. Maybe it’s just me, but when Tsubaki found the drool on a table, lathered it on his finger and stuck it in his mouth it felt oddly real. As if the writer fully understands how sexually frustrated and creepy kids can really be with those weird ideas that pop into their heads.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You don’t know how much I laughed just now remembering that scene! But, you know what it’s funny I have had weird urges like that as a teen. So I completely agree with your statement that despite its “weirdness” Mysterious Girlfriend X is an ode to the innocent awkwardness of first love. This is a fabulous read!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Very interesting post. Good job on connect this anime with your personal experiences and insights. I’m female, but I can relate to some of the things you said, especially when I was still in my teens. I personally haven’t watched this anime, but I like that your post is still relateable even to those of us who haven’t watched it yet. I won’t say I “love” shows that emphasizes sexuality, but I would never say I “hate” them. If the story is good, I won’t mind some hardcore scenes. Anyway, brave of you to write something like this. Keep it up. And of course, thanks for sharing this post at the Fujinsei Blog Carnival that I hosted. Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If you have the time I would recommend this one for sure. If you can look past all the sexual frustration and weird stuff they do from the get go I believe you will see how beautiful it is for yourself. But there still could be a chance you dislike it too. You won’t know until you try! And I thank you very much for taking the time to actually comment. I saw how many people posted this time and it is no small feat to interact with all of them let alone comment! Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Already added it to my ultra-long to-watch list. We’ll see when I get to watch it, but I’ll remember you when I do watch it. Thanks.
        Well, I do enjoy reading posts by other bloggers. More often than not, they inspire me. And the blog carnival makes it easier for me to access other posts because they come to me rather than searching for posts myself. 😉

        Anyway, great post. I hope that you participate again at the next blog carnival. I’ll be looking forward to it. The next one will be on June 6. Hope to see you again there. Cheers!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I understand completely, we all have a ridiculous list of shows to watch. If you do ever get around to it, however far in the future it may be, let me know (if you remember hahah)! And I will definitely participate in the next carnival!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. It sure been a while seeing this Anime. And I remember the awkward start in episode 1 with the drool. It just made me smile and everything that happened after that was just the fun of discovery. The childish cooties we always talked about after that first kiss taken to a new dimension and done in a fantastic way.

    Who is to be our first love and awaken the sickness in our heart.
    A great watch with a general view on young men and sexual discoveries among teens.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, each progression in their relationship felt so relatable, and many people might disagree that the show is just a step down from hentai, but I am sure there are times they have done something undeniably weird/creepy when no one was watching.

      Liked by 1 person

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